– by Stella Claus
‘Tis the season…to put yet more pictures of garishly dressed cats on the internet. Listen. I know you humans think it’s cute. But I’m telling you. After Halloween we’re already pretty peeved. Then comes Thanksgiving and the need to dress us up as turkeys (while not letting us actually *eat* the turkey–sheesh)! Believe me, we’re pretty much at our wits’ end when December rolls around.
Hey, I’m not the violent type. But when one of my brethren flies off the handle after eating a Christmas tin full of mistletoe-tainted catnip and launches himself at his captor’s face, well, I’d say it was probably the “Kitty Saint Nick” costume you stuffed him in that sent him over the edge. What I’m saying is, don’t be this guy: *
Another thing that sends cats, and any other thinking being, into a flying rage this time of year is the overuse of cat-themed puns. (Wait, isn’t *every* use of puns an overuse of puns? But I digress.) Please refrain from using the following Christmas related phrases during the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (and also for the rest of time):
Litter Drummer Boy
Meow bring us some figgy pudding
You have cat to be kitten me right meow
Yes, I know the last phrase isn’t holiday themed. But if there’s any pun that deserves to be on a list of things never to say in front of a cat, it’s this one. That string of unbridled punnery = instant cat launch.
So to summarize my holiday tips for humans:
cat costumes = bad
cat puns = even worse
I hope I’ve been of service to you.
And remember, my feline friends: if they insist on putting a costume on you, don’t take out your aggression on the hand that feeds you–find an alternative. And never, ever eat the tinsel!
* Editor’s note: Companion Veterinary Hospital does not condone cat-on-human violence. Consult your veterinarian if your cat exhibits aggressive tendencies or binges on mistletoe.